My ‘Odyssey’ premiere will be in six months on my couch while my kids bug me for snacks

• “The Odyssey” is all anyone can talk about these days.
• I’d love to see it in theaters, but I’ll likely have to wait until it’s available on demand.
• Such is life as a parent to young kids.

I want you to know that I will definitely have some thoughts on “The Odyssey.” Just please check back with me in about six months when I can watch it at home.

In the meantime, I am happy to discuss “One Battle After Another.” I just got around to watching this year’s Academy Award winner for Best Picture, starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

It took me three days, and I had to rewind it a few times because I kept falling asleep, which I’m sure is exactly how director Paul Thomas Anderson envisioned his film being consumed. Highly recommend, though.

To be fair, I think this is an improvement over how I first saw “F1” earlier this year: On my iPad during a transatlantic flight home from a work trip.

It’s not that I want to watch movies piecemeal or on tiny screens. I’d love to tuck into a big box of popcorn and some peanut M&Ms while enjoying Christopher Nolan’s latest epic on the big screen, completely uninterrupted.

My colleague Katie Notopoulos’ recent story about the fully immersive 4DX version got me thinking about how cool an experience that’d be.

Almost.

But as a working parent with two kids, it doesn’t feel like it’s in the cards. And I think I’m OK with that.

For the “No one forced you to have kids” crowd, I’m not looking for sympathy or feeling regret. I wouldn’t sacrifice my children for the chance to watch summer blockbusters. At least, not my firstborn.

It wasn’t always this way. I used to go to the movies a lot! Sometimes two in one day. Then COVID happened. And just as we were getting out of that, the little ones came along. The rest is history.

So for now, I’m trying to avoid spoilers for a 3,000-year-old poem. (Not everyone paid attention during English class.)

I realize that thousands of people with young kids have figured out how to see “The Odyssey.” And I will shamefully admit there are two IMAX theaters less than 10 miles from my home.

But a runtime of just under three hours means a lengthy (and expensive) stay for a babysitter. There’s always my parents or in-laws, but that’s also a big ask. (I can already see the text from my mom after she reads this: ‘We’re always happy to watch the girls!!‘)

And, depending on what time the movie starts, there’s a non-zero chance I end up passing out in the theater.

You’re right: If I really wanted to, I could go see the movie. And maybe that’s why this hurts so much: It’s less about missing the biggest movie of the year and more about feeling fine with sitting this one out. (Is this what getting old is like?)

I might not be entirely on my own on this. BI’s Peter Kafka wrote about how moviegoing has been on the decline for the past two decades. Of course, as Peter explains, “The Odyssey” is a major outlier of this trend. It’s exactly the type of movie people do make it out to theaters to see. So much for making me feel better about my choices.

Still, there have to be more of us out there. For everyone punting on seeing “The Odyssey” in theaters, maybe we can organize a collective discussion when we all get around to watching it.

After all, it took Odysseus 10 years to get home. (I think? I told you I wasn’t paying attention in class.) I think we’re entitled to take a few months.

But if you’re interested in chatting about “Sinners,” I’m your man.

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