Putin's mouthpiece calls for strike on Britain in horror rant as he mocks UK food

A high-profile Russian propagandist has called on Vladimir Putin to order a strike on Britain to destroy the plant making Storm Shadow missiles. Speaking on Kremlin-controlled TV, the Russian President’s chief cheerleader Vladimir Solovyov sought to downplay the significance of a direct attack on the UK, an action that would mark a monumental escalation, and likely trigger a wider Nato response.

“Every time I read about another [British-made] Storm Shadow missile strike deep into Russia, I genuinely don’t understand why we don’t hit the Storm Shadow factory in the UK,” he fumed. “What’s the problem? Uh… It’s the UK. So what? What’s so valuable there? What’s so valuable there? Shakespeare’s legacy isn’t tied to an island. What’s so valuable about that Storm Shadow factory?”

Britain was known for “insanely tasteless, disgusting cuisine,” added the Putin puppet, who despite his hatred chose to educate at least one of his children in the UK.