Late Night Reviews Trump’s Eulogy for ‘Friend’ Lindsey Graham

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A Heartfelt Eulogy

Senator Lindsey Graham’s memorial services began in Washington on Tuesday, with President Trump appearing as one of the speakers.

Jordan Klepper rehashed the president’s eulogy on Wednesday’s “Daily Show,” remarking that Trump “stepped up to the podium and attempted to say anything nice” about his late friend — “anything nice at all.”

“Come on, Donny! You guys spent so much time together. Maybe share a heartwarming story about how you two met.” — JORDAN KLEPPER

Instead, President Trump told anecdotes about his quarrel with Graham in 2016 and “shared his personal cellphone number with the millions of people that happened to be watching that particular day as I made a speech.”

“OK, interesting choice. I might have chosen a moment that highlights Lindsey’s character, but I guess the time he got 10,000 calls from guys named ‘Mike Rotch’ and ‘Hugh Jass’ is also equally good.” — JORDAN KLEPPER

“I can’t believe I have to say this to Donald Trump, but can you just lie to us? It’s a memorial; you can paint a rosier picture. I didn’t go to my Uncle Lou’s funeral and tell everyone he was the Zodiac Killer — I said he was good with numbers, you know?” — JORDAN KLEPPER

“During his eulogy yesterday at Senator Lindsey Graham’s funeral, President Trump said that virtually everyone in both political parties liked Graham and added, ‘Well, not everybody.’ Amazing. The one time where it’s perfectly acceptable to lie a little bit and he decides to tell the truth: ‘[imitating Trump] Lindsey, a lot of people didn’t like him, but at least he was bad at golf.’” — SETH MEYERS

The Punchiest Punchlines (Such Language Edition)

“After the surprise missile attack Tuesday night, President Trump said we are going to beat the effing crap out of Iran. He plans on accomplishing this by dropping Taco Bell lettuce.” — GREG GUTFELD

“During an interview today with Fox News, President Trump said that he is planning to ‘beat the [expletive] [expletive] out of’ Iran. Hey, you can’t use that kind of language on Fox News. What if someone under the age of 60 was watching?” — SETH MEYERS

The Bits Worth Watching

Mary Beth Barone brought out her dog nanny/best friend, Benito Skinner while discussing her new Netflix stand-up comedy special, “Galaxy Brain,” on Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”

What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night

Zoe Saldaña will discuss the third season of her Paramount+ series “Lioness” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”

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