How do you return to a love that’s still there but no longer alive?, by Jacob Iroko

You know that moment when you’re both sitting in the living room, lights low, TV humming but somehow it feels like you’re a world apart? He’s scrolling. You’re thinking. Nobody is fighting… but nobody is reaching for each other either.

And in that continued silence, a small ache forms. Not because love is gone, but because there’s no more intentionality.

Many couples never talk about this part, the place where love still exists, but choice feels distant. That’s where we left off last week, and today, we’re stepping into the other half of the story:

How do you revive a connection that hasn’t died… it’s just been asleep?

Sometimes the healing begins with remembering. Remembering how it all started, the laughter, the shyness, the excitement, the gratitude.

Sometimes memory can be holy… a doorway God uses to draw your heart back into softness. And then comes presence. Looking at your spouse again… really looking. Noticing the details you once adored. Asking questions that open their heart instead of assuming you already know what’s inside it.

Connection returns when you choose to pursue. Love doesn’t age out of pursuit; it starves without it. Little things matter… the “thank you,” the “I see you,” the “I still choose you.” Because sometimes what your spouse needs is not grand gestures… but proof that you are still trying.

Gratitude begins to do its work too. It shifts the atmosphere. It re-teaches your heart how to marvel at what you were once praying for.

And sometimes? You have to disrupt the script. Break the predictability. Do something unexpected, something playful, something that reminds you both that love should still breathe.

Shared projects help, too. Something new you build together, something that gives you both a fresh story to write.

And through all this, prayer becomes the anchor. Not prayer to “fix” the other person… but prayer that your own heart stays soft, grateful, willing.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

Sometimes the cure is simple:

• Hold hands again.

• Pray together again.

• Say thank you again.

• Slow down again.

You may not always feel chosen. But you can always choose to love. And in that choosing, you often rediscover that you were chosen all along.

Your Favourite Relationship Coach
– JI.