The Real Reason You Can’t Move On From Your Ex, According to Dating Experts

The most common advice I’ve received post-breakup was “just block them,” as if it’s that easy to shut out the person who used to be your best friend and biggest confidant. I will never be the person to blindly force that advice on someone else—especially when they’re fresh out of a relationship and just trying to find some grounding. Healing takes time, and in some cases, light communication can be maintained throughout the grieving process.

However, new MyIQ research found that 69% of singles see their ex or former romantic interest’s social media activity after communication ended, while 58% said that visibility made it more difficult to move on emotionally.

‘No Contact’ but Connected on Social Media

While you might think you’re in “no contact” with your ex because you’ve stopped texting, calling, and checking in, are you still connected via social media? Actions like checking their Instagram stories, browsing their TikTok reposts, and liking each other’s photos might feed your attachment to them, prolonging the uncertainty of “will they, won’t they.”

For example, let’s say you’ve stopped texting your ex and muted their stories…yet you’re still posting in hopes that they’ll see. This subconscious behavior continues to keep you hooked. You might read into every view, every like, and every minor interaction, rationing them like breadcrumbs that feed your connection.

Over half of the survey respondents said they had wondered whether a Story view, reaction, or other online interaction was a sign that someone wanted to reconnect. And unfortunately, lurking (or what many call “orbiting”) is a common post-breakup trend, with 47% of respondents acknowledging regularly viewing someone’s content after ending communication.

“Seeing someone online is not the same as hearing from them, but social media can make those two things feel much closer than they are,” Sarah Meyer, Managing Director of MyIQ, said in a press release. “A Story view gives you evidence that someone is still paying attention. What it does not give you is evidence of why.”

And so, our brains fill in the gaps with our most hopeless-romantic theories and stories. “They must miss us.” “They’re definitely regretting their decision to end things.” “They’re going to reach out to reconnect soon.”

Thus, we waste time waiting around, prolonging our healing.

So…Should You Block Your Ex on Social Media?

While cutting off contact with your ex is often integral to your healing, sometimes you have to learn when to step away on your own terms. As I said before, I’d be a hypocrite if I preached about the need to block an ex immediately post-breakup. But boundaries are important.

For example, after my ex continued to string me along for months following our breakup, I eventually reached a point where I knew what I had to do (kindly tell him to F off before cutting off all contact/connection, both on and offline) and found the strength to do it. It took me some time, but I learned—albeit the hard way—that keeping in touch was not good for me.

Only then did I feel like I could finally move on. If I hadn’t reached that point, perhaps I always would have wondered “what if?”

Moral of the story: you know yourself best. You don’t have to follow strict post-breakup rules, but you also shouldn’t fully ignore your friends’ input. You’ll know what you truly need to heal, and you’ll find the courage to make the right choices for yourself.